She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
