I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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