i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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