I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
