I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i believe in u and ur pee
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
