And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
