alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
