is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize