No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
