So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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