I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
