I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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