You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
