Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
