38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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