I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
