you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
