are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
