I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
