Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize