To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
