I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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