Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
