peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
