Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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