My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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