hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
