Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
