tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
