I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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