Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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