It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
