Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
