Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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