Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I touched a dick in church today
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
