saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
