I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
