i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
