you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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