He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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