***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
