i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
