Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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