Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
