We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
