what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
