May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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