dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
