I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize