I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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