Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't put those talents on a resume
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
