he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
