does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
