Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
