I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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