DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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