It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
