Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize