Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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