i would punch a child for taco bell
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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