he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
