did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
