The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
