I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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