I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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