Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
