you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
