I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize