I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
